Frienge is a cheese known for its distinctive, feathery fringe of fungal spores. It smells earthy, with mineral undertones, fragrant and a little bitter. The fungal rind has a delicate and almost ethereal texture, though it tastes reminiscent of eating charred feathers. The cheese itself is tender and easy to cut, though firm enough to hold its shape and not crumbly at all. It tastes nutty, with woody and smoke undertones. Frienge is typically served by itself, perhaps with some mushrooms or fruit to complement it. Another common way of preparing it is to shave fine curls of it onto a dish.

Buttermelt (aka “plastic”) cheese, named for its perfectly smooth texture and absolute lack of flavor.

I wouldn’t trust it. Did it just… blink…?

No, I don’t think putting it in a mug made the mold any more palatable…

I… how? It seems the cheese has erupted and lava is spilling everywhere ._.

It’s a mouse cheese! Get it? Get it?

Name: Crumblotta Cheese

This cheese is very crumbly, with a rough outer texture, it does not great well. It works better to simply break it apart, since it crumbles so easily. The smell is a bit musty, smelling potent if one stick their nose in a bag of it. Not horrible, by any means, but absolutely there, it lacks a dairy smell, normal milk and cheese is creamy, but this cheese is only creamy once exposed to high temperatures. Before it is melted it has a bitter salty taste, but once melted atop something, it becomes rich and creamy with a even balance of salt and tang. Best used as a melting cheese to at a flavorful kick to something!

Name: Squeezeocheese

This cheese is so soft it lacks the ability to hold it’s own shape, and thus we were forced to create a parcel for it to be carried in. It is creamy, rich and buttery in taste, spreading easily across any surface. The texture is soft and supple, it has almost no lumps and spreads in an thin later without much prompting. The smell is pungent when it has been left out, but it is almost scentless when cool, recommended to be kept in a cool place at all times. WARNING! Do not heat! Do not cook! The smell is rancid, like soured eggs and stinks up the whole cave! Absolutely do not heat this cheese unless you want to smell like farts. Good for cold applications, spread on sandwiches for a delicate taste, a fine addition to any crackers as well! Not a replacement for butter, do not try it.

In spite of its name, the pizshroomese does not in fact taste like cheese. This delicacy’s appearance happens to resemble that of the beloved pizza that many mycenians decided to shorten the name even if it is a mouthful to say. It has both a sweet and salty taste complementing each other. In addition, the flavor isn’t strong nor is it weak for many. Some say it has a milky taste while others say it is more of a mushroom. Its texture is rich and creamy for the milk portion while the mushrooms add more with their firm yet moist texture. Either way, this cheese is sure to delight mycenians of all ages. It helps this has a rather subdued smell. Great for those picky eaters who refuse to eat anything that smells worse than rotting vegetables on a very hot sunny day. Just like its name, this cheese is great for using on pizza or eaten by itself. Many claim it taste good with bread or crackers. Some sprinkle it on their pasta.

While this cheese has an egg like appearance, it does not taste like eggs as many have found out the hard way. You either love or hate the shell, the outside layer, of this cheese. Many believe it is inedible, but contrary to belief, it can be eaten, much like the skin on an apple or pear. It is rather bland which makes it a good complement to the rich and creamy center. This may be difficult for those with dentures as it is firm, but they are not jawbreakers. When cooked, it becomes crunchy. As stated, the center is rich and creamy. Many say this taste like various fruits with its sweetness though there is no consensus on to which fruit. Perhaps the variances are a result of the cheese being made in different ways, with one way not being the exact each time. Too many variables involved. This can be baked, fried, steamed, flambeed, preserved, and dried before being eaten as is or eaten with a starch such as crackers, bread, rice, or pasta. Some claim it tastes good on potatoes. The jury is out on that one. Some eat it raw. A word of caution: boiling it in water results in unpleasant results. So unless one has an aversion to anything sweet, this makes a great addition to almost any dish.

Alright, here we are with the Ghoula Crania cheese, a lovely round developed by our very own Maggie May, with help from Rosie. You can see the influence of the latter right away, in the rind of course. It has a lovely light red color, something of a coral, almost pink. It’s very pretty really, as these things go.

Let’s see, smell-wise—haha, well, I can’t say it smells good. It’s the classic ‘this cheese smells like feet’ sort of thing, a heavy, almost rotten tang that permeates the air rather aggressively. Certainly not a cheese for those with a more delicate palate. Perhaps made particularly with cheese enthusiasts in mind, since while the average person might consider it absolutely foul, it’s only getting me excited. We cheese lovers know the value of a truly smelly cheese.

Now for a taste…oh it cuts smooth, a beautifully creamy texture, almost no resistance against the blade. Just the slicing is something of a treat. Now let’s see, the makers suggested trying it on a wheat cracker, so I’ve prepared a few different types. I’ll be starting with a fairly bland one, to better taste the cheese.

Hmmm…Oh! Oh? Oh I’m…I’m not sure what to say. The smell was something, but the taste itself is even more pungent. It’s rather like having someone stab flavor into the back of my throat, but it’s not unpleasant. Really it’s quite nice, after the initial punch, which is a little too much on the sour side for my preference. I’m still not sure what these…bits inside it are. They’re rather…squishy. Just odd little grey things, rather gross looking I will admit, yet it adds a pleasant saltiness that compliments the cheese beautifully. It melts on the tongue, lovely—oh, Rosie! I was just recording my tasting.

Oh yes, delicious. A bit strange at first certainly, especially, as I was just saying, the little grey pieces. Say, what is it anyway? Oh, your addition? I thought for sure it was the rind…it’s—it’s what? Oh, oh gods. Oh I’m…in going to be sick. Don’t eat this cheese!!

That’s not clay i thought it was but it’s some weird chewing gum like thing and i did the best i could. I’m not convinced it will ever dry.

This soft cheese is stored in the cap of a Blazing Trail mushroom and seasoned with a pinch of ground King’s Crown mushroom to create a rich and spicy cheese that is great for reinvigorating the weary traveler.

Azure Surprise
From the offset, the Azure Surprise seems to be a fairly normal cheese, wrapped in a lovely burgandy wax. However, once you cut into it, the quirks become more apparent. For starters - the term azure reveals itself to be literal - chunks of precious minerals mixed into the cheese as it ferments, cured within the milky prison of the rind. These are quite inedible, and definitely do not add anything to the cheese other than a hazard.
The minerals and the bacteria in the cheese react quite badly to each other - causing the cheese to not only be almost inedible, but also smell absolutely abhorrent. If inhaled for too long, one could pass out entirely. Prolonged expose is not recommended.
Due to its various quirks, Azure Surprise is a cheese recommended as a murder weapon, or an elaborate means of revenge. It is not recommended you buy it unironically.

Chunky Dunk Hydrating Lippie

A must-have for any lady on the go, Chunky Dunk Hydrating Lippie easily fits into any purse, pocket, or messenger bag for easy access. The tube is easily rolled to extend or depress the cheese within, which comes in a variety of different scents - from rose, to blueberry, to our most popular scent - forest musk! Simply roll up the hydrating lippie and apply directly to your lips to get that moist, freshly cheesed appearance! Highly recommended for first dates or to simply make a long lasting impression!