Hello, my dear wife! Everything will be fine, it’s just a shell. It’s okay if you can’t give me a detailed answer! The most important thing is your attention! I really miss our daughter too! Call me, I want to hear your voices. I love you!

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Dear,Help! I’m a Fish!,,
Even if I’ve turned into a fish and have gills and a fish tail instead of paws, I still love my wife and daughter. But I spend so much time at a job where I get paid so little.  I’d like to see my family as soon as possible, maybe I should quit?

I can tell that your wife and daughter are very important to you and that you miss them very much. So my advice would be to resign from your job and move close to where your wife and daughter are, and when you’re there you can look for a new job that leaves you more time to spend with them.

Dear Help! I’m a Fish! I miss taking a refreshing bath so much! It helped me to get rid of stress and took care of my fur, that I also miss dearly… Now I’m just in the water ALL the time! Please help, what could I do?

Being in the water all the time isn’t so bad. Think of it as taking a bath all day long! I know scales are not the easiest to work with, primarily since you’re used to caring for your fur, but have you ever considered dressing up instead? The seafloor has many shells and kelp you can play with, and who knows, maybe mixing the two can spark joy.

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Dear Help! I’m a Fish!, I miss the sweet taste of strawberries, but cannot seem to find them in the sea. Is anything in the water close enough to satisfy my sweet tooth?

If you have some land dwelling friends, maybe they can bring you some strawberries to satisfy your craving. If not then this is a great opportunity to expand your palate! Personally, I’ve come to find Water Lilies are a lovely sweet treat. Maybe you’ll enjoy them as well?

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Dear Help! I’m a Fish!, my favorite evening activity is to watch the moths flutter around the light outside my door. Now that I’m a fish go to I can’t see my insect friends, is there some way I can bring them to me? I miss them so much.

To attract your insect friends, you may find it most effective to offer them a different light source. Though you can certainly have some luck catching the reflection of the moon with a pearl, I recommend a more direct method. Moonbow Trout are known for their miraculous glimmer. Locate one such shimmery companion and invite them with you for a swim near the surface. Moths are a rare sight for most fish, so the allure of seeing something unfamiliar will be enough to convince the right individual of granting you this favor, and you may make yourself a new friend in the process too!

Dear Help! I’m a fish!, though I’m greatly enjoying my newfound affinity for the water, I’ve met a recurrent dilemma due to my fins. What am I supposed to do when I have an itch but no hands with which to scratch it?? This irritating sensation is making me want to remove my scales, and I know there must be a better way, but I’m too frustrated to think straight.

If you’re feeling itchy, the best way is to scratch yourself with an object in your environment — something like coral, rocks or even the ocean floor. Some fish ask sharks for help and scrape on them, as shark skin feels a bit like sandpaper! It’s a bit risky, but hey, what can you do when you don’t have hands?

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Dear Help! I’m a fish! being a koi is fun — I love swimming around and blowing bubbles, however, I have this one tiny issue… I’ve recently come to the horrifying realization that I’m naked. Utterly, completely, undeniably naked. Sure, all the other fish are, too, but somehow, that only makes it so much worse. I understand that it’s natural for fish to swim in the nude, but I still feel so ashamed.

Is there anything I can do to feel less exposed? How do I come to terms with my nakedness?

If you’re feeling shy around your new aquatic friends, then never fear! Fish and crustaceans are a lot more fashionable than you think! Some fish like to cover themselves in “bubble wrap,” meaning they’ll blow bubbles and let them stick to their scales. Others, mainly crustaceans, like to wear hats or shells to cover their vulnerable bits. An elegant seaweed cape would top off your accessories quite agreeably, and they will cover a lot of your body, too.

Of course, if you’re lazy, you can always do the superhero pose until you feel a little less exposed. The easiest way to gain confidence about whatever you’re struggling with is to stare at yourself in the mirror, strike a pose, and say “I’M HOT!”

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Dear Help! I’m a Fish!, I can’t pick up things anymore! How am I supposed to collect trinkets and shells and sand dollars when I have no thumbs! This is truly misery. What do I do if I can’t pick up all the shiny rocks I see?

No longer having thumbs is truly miserable indeed. It took a while, but we have these nice long tails. When you’re close to the trinkets you wish to pick up, try hitting them upwards with your tail. If the object is light enough, it’ll float before going back down. Now, you can attempt to have it land on your new fish body and carry it away. Otherwise, I found our new mouths act like suction cups and tend to be easier to pick up objects in this way.

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Dear Help! I’m a Fish! I’m not used to this more petite body, and it is getting me into trouble. Just the other day, I found myself being chased by an unfriendly being with its mouth wide open. What can I do to avoid being eaten?

Oh, dear! I’ll give you a little advice like a little fish. You should stay close to small holes and crevices. This will help to wipe the nose of your unwanted pursuers! Let’s see how this rude fish will squeeze into a small gap between the rocks when you swim through it calmly and you’ll be safe.

~

Dear Help! I’m a fish! My problem is so simple, but it makes me incredibly sad! It’s just impossible! My beautiful necklaces are just falling off! I really wanted to show off my brand-new pearl necklace framed by graceful shells from the bottom of our lake, which my lover got for me, but it fell to the bottom! It took me a lot of effort to get it and now I don’t want to leave the house because I can’t be so beautiful in my jewelry! I’m so sad! Dear, help me(

Instead of leaving the house, why not invite everyone else inside? That way your beautiful necklaces can be admired by all, but also kept safe from falling into the abyss! And if you really must go out, just remember that your shiny scales are just as beautiful as jewels!

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Dear Help! I’m a fish! Ever since everyone got turned into fish I’ve been struggling to tell others apart. All the fish look the same to me with their fishy eyes and gaping mouths. I can never tell whether the fish I encounter are ones I’d previously met or complete strangers. It’s confusing and I’m worried I might offend someone.

Everyone is have the same issue. You are not alone. There are several solutions to your issue. You may wish to use your intuition. The ability to tell people apart isn’t scale deep after all. Some fish may feel more familiar than others. Our faces may have changed but our hearts, or souls if you prefer, remain the same.
Another more reliable but less subtle was is by asking probing questions or referring to past experiences. Slip a reference to a shared experience into a conversation. Their replies may give you clues to their identity.
Finally you might wish to find yourself a nametag. Then everyone will know who you are and introduce themselves first. This removes the guessing work. Although koi sized nametags may be difficult to find. Still its a big pond out there.

My personal approach is to approach each interaction as an entirely new opportunity to make friends! If i don’t know them, then they don’t know me and we can create a new friendship regardless of the strange situation we all find ourselves in.

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Dear Help I’m a Fish,

Ever since the change i have felt like I am swimming in circles, directionless. My old life gone with the waves, replaced with confusion. Those around me are either panicking or taking it in their stride and adapting. But I just feel stuck.

Please help me find my purpose again.
Sincerely,
Swimming in Circles.

If you feel that you are stuck swimming in circles and cannot reach the metaphorical forward-flowing current others have, I have a few suggestions for you, reader. First, however, it’s also important to remind yourself that this change was very sudden, and it may take some time to re-orient yourself and that’s okay. Trying to move too far forward too quickly can exasperate your feelings.
Now, start with some small goals for yourself.  You could try developing a new morning and nighttime routine, keeping your sleeping area clean, look into volunteering for something or joining a club.
Try to rediscover your hobbies. If they can’t be perfectly replicated in fishy form, look for a substitute. For example, if you like to make art, try creating an image by arranging colourful shells or stones. If you enjoy making music, try out the sounds that items in your local pond or lake make.
Try to make new friends! I’m sure there are many other folks feeling like you are right now. Form a group of yourselves. You can all make plans for the future and move forward together. Having multiple people to bounce ideas off of is certainly better than trying to do it all on your own.

I sincerely hope that these suggestions help you on your way.

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Dear Help! I’m a Fish!,

Lately, while I’ve been going for my morning swim, something strange has been happening. Whenever I pass by this large shadow in a particular spot, various bright things keep dropping from out of the sky. The appearance of these bright pretty things are usually different, but sometimes I see the same one. However, the thing they all share in common is they always have particularly delectable-looking worms attached to them. After some time passes, the bright things and the worms leave the same way they came.
So far, I have managed to control the urge to bite but I’m still unsure about the whole thing. Please tell me: what are these strange things, and am I missing out on a free meal?

You’re very lucky that these sky fairies come and visit you. To see them is good luck! But to try and take their tempting treats is bad luck. We are not immortal fish! Therefore if you take one of their offerings they will punish you by taking you out of your comfy water and you will never be seen again. Again watch them only! If the temptation gets to you dive deep till you can gathering your will power.

Dear Help! I’m a fish!

So I keep swimming in the same old way. I go back and forth along my narrow pond. Doesn’t matter if I turn right or I turn left. I always end up on one side of my home or another. When this one large creature peers over and into my home I try to come up to the surface to kiss it. I think it might be a Merman! But all I get is some food and that brief sighting is all I get. How can I get this creature to grant me a wish?

I think you should play koi for a day or two! See if the merman will come down to see you. Maybe the merman thinks you rising for the bait makes you a low effort catch? You want the biggest prize of them all, so why not play the long game? Failing that, I hear there’s a witch or two in these waters that’ll grant you a wish for a price.

Dear Help! I’m a fish!

I keep snagging some scales on the scenery! I can’t take this anymore. I’m losing my glimmer! I’m losing my glam! I’m losing my shiny unscathed scales! I don’t even know if fish grow scales back or anything, we’ve only been fish for a week! I didn’t know anything about fish beforehand.

“What seems to be the problem?” Dew leans foward.  Despite her eyes looking in different directions, she seems knowledgeable, er ....sorta. 

“Scales will grow back given time, but you seem to be snagging currently.  Hmm… that’s usually an indication your slime coat is failing you.  Normally you’d glide right over various objects.  Oh sure, you could lose one or two scales here or there if you’re very determined to scratch an itch, but not usually.  *hands over generous bottle of Slime Coat* .... “A few squirts. of this should help repair and replace your own glistening slimey coat until it comes in.”

Dear Help! I’m a fish!

I have misplaced my beautiful wings!!!  Normally I flit about topside with my brother.  Ever since I awoke this morning, I keep forgetting I have lost them.  Will they ever return?  And how oh how can I possibly fly anywhere in this underwater chaos?  I am missing my sky and regular dew.  Down here it’s like a dew overload.  ~ A Saturated Dew

OregonCoast

Missing wings- Good news!  Flying fish are, in fact, a real type of fish.  So it’s not impossible that you’ll get your wings back, if you can find them.  You can try evolving them, but be careful, most fish who try that end up with feet or (heaven forbid) lungs instead!

Dear Help! I’m a fish!
Are hooks good?  Are they safe to eat?  I’ve been hearing that they’re bad for your health but I don’t want to fall for another diet fad.

“Are hooks good?  Are they safe to eat?  I’ve been hearing that they’re bad for your health but I don’t want to fall for another diet fad.”

Having tried one and immediately regretted it, 0/10 would not recommend it! It tasted iron-y and gross and hurt real bad :( I would suggest shrimp as a substitute! Same shape when cooked and tastes way better :D

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Dear Help! I’m a Fish!
I’ve run into the most curious of problems! My beloved cane has been rendered all but useless by my new shape! However, it would seem my struggles with mobility continue even now. Is there some kind of piscine equivalent I might be able to use in my cane’s stead?

While we can’t currently hold canes with our fins, there are plenty of creative ways to solve mobility issues underwater. The most common solution for fish facing such difficulties is a kind of “fish wheelchair.” You’ll need a little life jacket and a lightweight object to help you stay balanced and afloat.

I’m sure a skilled fish craftsman could make one for you!  After all, there are already fish out there using similar devices!

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Dear Help! I’m a Fish!, I don’t mind being a fish, except for one thing… I really, really miss pizza.
There are no pizzerias down here, no restaurants, nothing! I’ve thought about making one myself, but how do I cook underwater? And where would I even find any delicious ingredients?

I dream of a hot, cheesy, perfectly baked slice… Is this too much to ask?

I think you could do it on the hot rocks and air of volcanic vents! I’m not quite sure where they are in this glorious cave of ours, since everything has been so different lately, but we did have them somewhere. I think a combination of the hot temps and the constant gushes of air will at least let you get that hot, cheesy result. I wouldn’t bet on a dry and crispy crust though, sorry.

Dear Help! I’m a Fish!, please tell me where I’m supposed to buy shoes. I can’t wear them on my tiny flippers! My old shoes are heavy and the wrong shape. I want to have some shoes that look as fabulous on my flippers and my old shoes looked on my feet. Especially if I can give myself a more mermaid tail instead, that could be pretty…

There are plenty of sea shops — just follow the sea shells! The pink ones will lead you directly to fish fin stores, because as you have experienced, we do not need shoes to navigate in the currents. The artisans there can also help with repurposing your shoes into something that is sure to delight you and uphold the aesthetic that you are looking for.

Dear Help! I’m a Fish!, I can’t seem to wear my glasses now that my ears have disappeared! I’ve tried using tape, but the adhesion doesn’t work with all this cursed wetness. How do I make sure I can stop bumping into everything? I’m afraid of swimming right into someone’s mouth!

Oh, dear! A conundrum, indeed! Maybe instead of your glasses, you could try swimming goggles. They have a strap instead of arms to loop around one’s head, keeping them in place over your eyes in even the harshest currents! And there’s many different styles to accommodate any preferences you may have. As a bonus, once you’ve got your pair of goggles properly adjusted, they should be decently water tight!

Dear Help! I’m a Fish!, I keep running across a fish that looks exactly like me near this lovely shiny rock! He even copies me down to my movements and facial expressions! It’s so infuriating! But every time I go to swim around the rock to confront the guy, it’s like he vanishes just a second before I can find him! Can you tell me what keeps happening? Maybe if I know what he’s doing to disappear, I can head him off!

Oh dear, I suggest try talking to him first and see if you can get a good read on him. He could be a witch trapped inside a crystal rock trying to trick you into breaking him free! Or… perhaps he’s a nice guy that was cursed to be locked inside? Either way, I doubt he’s pulling a disappearance trick. He definitely must be trapped in that rock! You might could find a way to free him… if you think he’s a good guy, that is!

Dear Help! I’m a Fish!
Ever since I became a fish, I find myself spacing out a lot and forgetting what I was doing or saying! It’s so frustrating! I can’t seem to get my house chores done in a timely manner or hold a decent conversation! Its like I’vd got the memory of a…. um, I’ve got… I’m sorry, was I saying something?

I understand how you feel, this is a very common problem among the general fish people, but do not worry about it too much! These memory lapses are a normal part of your new fish life. Establish a daily schedule, try to focus on one activity at a time and maybe write a diary. Maintaining a to-do list may help you with everyday chores. Avoid srtressful situations and take lots of breaks!

Dear Help! I’m a Fish!, I feel like i’m lost my freedom somehow! Before I became a fish, I could go wherever I wanted, now I’m stuck to my lake and can’t even visit the village in the neighboring cave! I have friends there and there’s a cute cafe that I’d love to visit, the cake there soo delicious…

That does sound unfortunate. Is there a lake in the cave you want to visit? These caves tend to connect to each other in more ways than one, perhaps there’s an underwater tunnel that will take you to the cave. However, I’m afraid I can’t come up with a way for you to get to the cafe..

Though, I heard there was an underwater cafe somewhere, maybe you could find a way to get to it?

DearHelp! I’m a Fish!, I see a hook floating in the water, it looks dangerous.. But I feel compelled to go towards it and bite it.. Should I resist?

Resist with all your might! Alluring as it may be, it is, indeed, dangerous! Hooks are very pointy, and can damage fins, gills, one’s mouth, or much worse! I’ve heard tell of even the largest fish getting hauled up to the surface, never to be seen again, and it’d be a shame if you met the same fate.

Dear Help! I’m a Fish!, this sun through the water is kinda hurting my eyes. And the algae up here isn’t nearly as tasty as what I can find sifting through sediment, and my whiskers make navigating a breeze. Is it worth staying deeper underwater? I’ve heard finding a good crevice to call home can be kinda tough. Because as cold as it is deeper underwater, I’d hate to be left out in the middle of these freezing currents!

My dear, anything is better than suffering with the blaze of the sun and nasty algae! Here, I can help you find a lovely place to be, as I often hang out near the sediment by a river bank. There are small cliffs where one can make a home, and it’s quite a lazy river. Bring whatever you like, and if you don’t want to live there, at least you’ll know what to look for!

Dear Help! I’m a Fish!, my friends keep making fun of how I use my whiskers to search out food. It’s just so much easier than sitting and waiting for something to drift by. How can I get them to stop?

You could be nice about it and share some of the food you find with your friends to show off how amazing and useful your whiskers are. This will make them see your strategy in a whole new light! But do they deserve such kindness after being so mean to you? You could also retaliate by making fun of them for taking so long to find any food, being at the mercy of the currents maybe bringing some crumbs their way. Make them feel shame for mocking your superior whiskers!

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Dear Help! I’m a Fish! I was really proud of my pretty, shiny scales until recently, when a fish with the most dazzling scales and fluttering, veil-like fins swam past. They drew all the gazes away from me and I can’t even blame them, they really were that stunning. I can’t stop thinking about that fish and it’s driving me mad. Maybe it will stop if I can make my scales and fins even more beautiful? How can I achieve that?

First off, try not to think to hard about others. It is a difficult thing to achieve, but comparison is the thief of joy as some say. If you are searching for a way to beautify yourself, perhaps try a scale and beauty routine that is new to you! Engrossing yourself in a new routine can help take your mind off other things, and hopefully it will lead to a wonderful new look for you! Personally recommend a sand bath and finding a wonderful cleaner shrimp for the tricky places. A great cleaner fish or shrimp can do wonders!

Dear Help! I’m a Fish!
While I find joy in this new fishy life, as a hobby artist, I’ve been having a hard time continuing my former passions. Without paws and digits, it’s been near impossible to hold onto the typical drawing and painting mediums. What would you recommend in these limbless circumstances? What other artistic hobbies could I pursue in this newfound form?

Rather than trying to find a new hobby, perhaps you should look at your old one in a new light. You won’t be able to hold a pen or pencil with fins, sure, but unless you’re something like a jellyfish (in which case, good job on sending in this letter!) you aren’t limbless. Using your fins in place of brushes can be just as effective, when you’ve taken the time to train the skill for it. Even better, your fins will be unique to you, and thus any art you make will be something no one else can do, which is rather special indeed. Though, if you’re set on trying something new, building sculptures out of coral has been gaining in popularity recently. You could always give that a try!

Dear Help! I’m a Fish!
I’ve been finding it difficult to adapt to my new life as a fish, in particular I used to love going for long walks through the brighter lit sections of the cave, enjoying the wonders of all the plant life that grows out there. I find myself missing those long, quiet walks through the lush caverns and have been sort of homesick for it. Would you know of anywhere I could go, or something I could do to replace such joys?

Have you considered taking a swim to the supposed origin pool of the Kelphi? It’s usually a dangerous journey for a fish, what with a Kelphi’s… varied diet, but since we’re all fish now, it should be fine! The river leading there boasts many beautiful and complex underwater environs, not to mention side-channels to rest along the way. My favorite pool is just above a beaver-neki dam about two-thirds of the way up. Some pretty willow branches dip into the stream there, it’s very soothing. If you can find one of the underwater tunnels, you can make it all the way to the origin pool!

Dear Help! I’m a Fish!,
Some of my friends are feeling an urge to go upstream to return to the place of their birth. I don’t feel the same, but I don’t want to be left alone! Should I go with them?Stay-At-Home Koi